101+ Best Funny Birthday Quotes, Wishes, & Messages

Are you looking for funny birthday quotes? Here is the right place to get the best collections of funny birthday quotes and messages. Wish your friends and family make them a special memorable birthday day.

Even if I was smoking crack, I would still see the sign of aging on my face. How could anyone not notice that? Happy Birthday, dear but you have to accept the truth!

Smart, good-looking, and funny! But enough about me. Happy birthday!

Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!

Age doesn’t make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!

Happy birthday to my absolute favorite teacher! You are so smart, wise and so incredibly funny but out of all your remarkable qualities, the thing I admire most about you is your generosity.

Funny Birthday Quotes

Have you ever thought what a stupid douchebag you were when we were kids? Guess what, you haven’t changed at all. Happy Birthday!

A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.

I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis

For example, the amazing grade you’re probably going to give me
because of this sincere, heartfelt birthday message I took the time
to write to you! Have a truly wonderful day!

If you are good at something, don’t do it for free. And if you are good at nothing, just shut up and don’t ask for a gift. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday. I hope your day is as nice as your butt ????

Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now, who’s laughing?

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
~ Jack Benny

Happy birthday to my younger sis who is actually starting to look a lot more like my older sis! It’s funny how things change!

A guy texts you on your phone, wishes you a Happy Birthday, and the next day, you think he’s gonna buy you some gifts? No, he is the one asking for a treat. Happy Birthday!

Pst, don’t grow up! It’s a trap. Happy birthday!

Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!

Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
~ Stanislaw Lec

Isn’t it funny how most people mature and grow up as they age, yet you cleverly continue to defy getting older by not doing those things?

The saddest truth of life is that some people get older without being wiser. You remind me of those unfortunate people. Happy Birthday!

I’d give you my last chicken nugget. That’s really saying something. Happy Birthday!

Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!

Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.
~ Helen Hayes

I guess that must only mean you’re getting younger then, bestie! Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to someone too sweeter than sugar and too spicy than Mexican chili.

You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct! Happy birthday!

I regret to inform you that your childhood has EXPIRED.

The secret to staying young is makeup… make up an age, then stick with it!

Happy birthday, my lovely husband! I’ll be honest, I thought about teasing you on your birthday this year. After all, as your funny wife, not only is it expected from me but it’s kinda my responsibility, too!

Friends like you make me feel younger and more handsome. I wish you have two birthdays a year so you get older twice as fast as me. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday! Super glad you were born.

Age is just a number, and so are restaurants bills! Happy birthday, do remember to buy me food!

Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the first time you cried and n*ked in someone else’s bed…

Happy birthday. It took you [insert age] years to look this good!

But I realized the fact you’re turning another year older and becoming so so old is enough in itself, so I’ll give you a break this year!

It’s so great that my crazy really vibes with your weirdness. Happy birthday!

I hope you have a happy annual celebration of escaping from your mum’s uterus. I wish that you may never again have to return to your dark underwater prison.

We’ll be friends ’til we’re old and senile… and then we’ll be new friends!

Happy birthday from one wise elder sister to her younger and more beautiful baby sister!

A star was born on this day. I mean, you were too. But I’m referring to a celebrity.

If you were my Uber driver, I’d totally give you five stars. Happy birthday!

Birthdays are like bogeys. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!

Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so many birthdays to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani

I was trying to think of something funny or witty for your birthday message this year, but all I could think of were silly jokes and cliche anecdotes. I guess you got the gift of being both the younger
one and the funny one, sis!

The night is still young, but you, my friend, aren’t anymore. Let’s still party, though!

I smell old people! Oh, wait no that’s just you. Happy birthday!

I hope your birthday is better than walking through a fart with your mouth open.

You’re the youngest [insert age] year old I know.

Happy birthday to the funniest guy I know: my brother! I hope you have a day that’s as funny and as hilarious as you are!

I’m pretty sure you are missing your childhood so much. That’s exactly what people do when they get old. Happy Birthday!

Wow, look at you growing up and having birthdays! The adult looks good on you????

May your birthday cake be moist, and may no one use that word to describe it.

Since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you leave the lights on.

You suck at aging! Can you at least try to look older?

Happy birthday to a teacher who has just the right balance of playfulness and seriousness!

Happy birthday to one classy lady from another. Rock your birthday girl.

You may not be able to fold a fitted sheet, but otherwise, you’re pretty cool. Happy birthday!

May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows.

Happy birthday! Don’t forget to iron that birthday suit.

You’re so easy-going and all for having a laugh, which makes your lessons the best, but the moment someone steps out of line something clicks in you and you come down on them like a ton of bricks!

You’ll look great even when you have no teeth just like you are doing pretty well even without a brain. Happy Birthday my friend!

Name a better birthday duo. I’ll wait. In the meantime, happy birthday!

Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullsh**. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.

A little gray hair is a small price to pay for so much wisdom.

It’s actually quite funny to watch you go from one extreme to the other! One minute you’re laughing, and then the
next you could be shouting at someone! It certainly keeps everyone on their toes!

Some people are old, some are beautiful and some are both. You are not old enough to be called ‘old’ and certainly not good-looking enough to be called ‘beautiful. Happy Birthday!

May you live so long that your wrinkles have wrinkles. Happy birthday!

Happy birthday… congratulations on now being of the age where understand the horror of waking yourself up with your own fart!

Happy Birthday, Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you… but hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.

Isn’t it funny that the best way to remember your wife’s birthday is actually to forget it once… Trust me, if you’re lucky enough to be forgiven you’ll never forget it again after that!
Happy birthday to my lovely lady today!

You can pretend to be old when you are dead. Till then, you are just a little kid who wants to grow up someday. Happy Birthday, baby brother!

Wow, another year under your belt. Just let me know how old we’re telling people you are now. Happy Birthday!

You might be old, but you’re still a d***.

Middle age is when your age begins to show around your middle.
~ Bob Hope

Weird and wonderful, funny and unique In you, I found my most perfect match Never is there a moment that’s bleak. Happy birthday to you, My husband and soulmate!

Happy Birthday dear brother. I hope you will remain just as annoying as now even when you are 100 years old.

Happy birthday to a woman who never ceases to amaze me. Some days your brilliance knows no bounds. Other days you can’t find your keys because you put them in the fridge. You’re unbelievable!

Older and wiser… but still a bit of a pr***.

You know you’re 40 when your back is hairier than your head.

Happy birthday to my big brother who thinks he’s a comedian, but in reality really isn’t!

Happy Birthday to the boy who was found on the road and picked up by my parents. Wish you all the good things in life, brother!

Happy birthday! Stay golden, girl ????

I didn’t know where to start on your birthday present so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours, I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be finding you a birthday present and it was too late. Sorry!

What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

You’re still pretty funny though, bro, just don’t quit your day job!

This is the day you arrived to steal my share of mom and dad’s love. Happy birthday, brother.

Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!

Have a mucking marvelous birthday!

A man has reached middle age when he’s warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
~ Henry Youngman

The only good your birth has brought is your dumbness. It has been entertaining me for years!

You’re funny and cute, You make me laugh
I could definitely see you
As my other half! Happy birthday, gorgeous!

A little advice on your special day, there is no shame in the Botox game. Happy birthday!

On your birthday I thought I’d just let you in on a little secret.

Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.

Oh no! Did you forget their birthday? Apologize with one of these funny belated happy birthday messages. I’m sure it will get you back in their good books…

Seeing you grow up is funny because deep down I know you’re still the same little guy I grew up with! You’ll always be the mischievous brother I grew up with, and that never gets old!

You are the epitome of stupidity and a living legend for annoying people. Bad luck for me that you are my brother. Happy Birthday!

One minute, you’re young and fun. Next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. I think we both know which you are…Happy birthday!

You’re the least famous person I know of who was born on your birthday.

I’m so sorry I forgot about your birthday. The good news is that I also forgot your age. Happy Belated Birthday!

May you always stay young, funny, and cheeky, brother! Happy birthday to you!

You know your life is a mess when your stupidity is increasing disproportionally to your age. That’s you, brother. Happy Birthday!

It’s your party and you’ll cry if you want to; however, I don’t recommend it. You’ll ruin your makeup, and we will be taking a lot of pictures tonight. Happy birthday!

I couldn’t think of a message that would make you laugh for your birthday card… you’re too boring…

I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, brother! It’s funny how each year you become another year older, yet you never really seem to grow up!

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